| |
|
|
Some days, it just doesn’t pay to be an adult. Your boss gives you
another project. A client rejects your work. And as you walk
towards your car, you see that the slow leak in the tire has
finally become a full-fledged flat. When you arrive home, there is
nothing to do but sit on the couch and turn on the television.
Then you notice your toddler standing a few feet away, her brow
furrowed with concern.
She wobbles toward you, climbs into your lap, and asks, “Mommy,
are you okay?” Then she does what she does best - she hugs you.
And of course, it works like a charm. You feel better right away.
She’s showing you empathy. And she’s only two years old.
We may all be born with a biological bent toward empathy. Babies
start at birth with the ability to respond to the emotions of
others, imitating the facial expressions of their caregivers or
bursting into tears if they hear another baby cry. By three
months, babies
 respond
differently to happy faces than to sad faces, showing that they
can tell the difference between them (Izard, et al., 1995). These
responses aren’t really empathy yet, but they might be some of the
first steps on the path to sharing the feelings of another person.
By the time their first birthdays arrive, young children are going
through big changes. Let’s say two babies are playing. On his way
to grab a new toy, one little boy stumbles and falls, hurting his
leg. What will the other one-year-old do? Will he notice? Will he
pay attention?
He not only notices, but he begins to look quite concerned. He
might furrow his brow or stick out his lip. He might be feeling
scared himself, wondering if something bad will happen to him.
These responses are part of another step in the growth of empathy.
In one research study, one-year-olds were shown videotapes of
other children crying. The one-year-olds began showing signs of
distress, usually by sucking on their hands, their shirts, or a
toy (Ungerer, et al.,1990).
Feeling distress when another person is troubled isn’t quite
empathy, because feeling bad for yourself doesn’t necessarily mean
that you feel bad for the other person. But seeing another person
crying, and then feeling troubled by it, is moving closer to what
we call empathy.
Around a child’s first birthday, something almost magical
happens—a child begins to show concern for others. One research
study looked at children’s responses to emotions as they
 grew
through three age ranges: 13-15 months old, 18-20 months old and
23-25 months old (Zahn-Waxler, Radke-Yarrow, Wagner, & Chapman,
1992).
To do this study, the researchers trained mothers to become
researchers themselves. First, researchers trained the mothers to
observe their children’s responses to the emotions of others. But
the mothers did more than observe—they also “pretended” to show
different emotions to their children and then recorded how their
children reacted. To add to the mother’s observations, researchers
visited once a month and observed the children. Finally, at age
two, the mothers and children went to the laboratory, where the
mothers would again pretend to be hurt or sad and the children’s
responses were recorded (Zahn-Waxler et al., 1992).
Here’s what they found:
13-15 months—More than half the children
tried to hug, pat, or touch another person showing
distress. Scientists call this “prosocial
behavior,” which means that the children not only
responded to the emotion they saw, but also made
an attempt to help the other person feel better.
This doesn’t mean that children this young showed
empathy all the time—they didn’t—but it shows some
early signs of empathy.
18-20 months—Children showed more prosocial
behavior, and they responded in a wider variety of
ways. Some of these included verbal responses
(“Are you okay?”), sharing goodies, trying to
bring bandages or a blanket, or trying to help in
other ways.
23-25 months—Children showed even more
empathy. All but one of the children in the study
expressed concern and helped others, even without
the encouragement of a parent or caregiver. And
while children mainly showed empathy toward their
mothers, they clearly showed concern for
strangers, as well (Zahn-Waxler et al., 1992). |
Although this research tells a wonderful story, we
have to keep something in mind. Even though children
as young as 12 months can show empathy, it doesn’t
mean they will show it all the time. Sometimes young
children might not show any empathy at all, and at
times they might even laugh when they cause another
person distress. It’s important to remember that they
are learning about how emotions work, and they will
get better at showing empathy as they grow.
|
 |
-
 Show
empathy to your children. Research shows that parenting with
empathy and emotional guidance encourages healthy emotional
growth. Children are also some of the best copycats around,
and they are likely to copy the ways they see you treat
people.
- Provide simple, clear explanations about how other people feel when they are
sad or hurt. This is especially important if your child has caused these
feelings in another child (“Carlos feels bad when you call him names”). When
this happens, be firm as you explain how these feelings work.
- Praise your child’s early expressions of empathy—they are wonderful signs of
learning to care about other people. When your child gives up his favorite toy
to a younger sibling who’s crying, make sure he knows you appreciate his action.
- Don’t expect empathy every time. Young children are still learning how
emotions work, and how people get along with others. Encourage empathy, but
don’t expect perfection.
|
back to top |
|
References:
Izard, C. E., Fantauzzo, C. A., Castle, J. M.,
Haynes, O. M., Rayias, M. F., & Putnam, P. H. (1995). The ontogeny
and significance of infants’ facial expressions in the first 9
months of life. Developmental Psychology, 31(6), 997-1013.
Ungerer, J. A., Dolby, R., Waters, B., Barnett, B.,
Kelk, N., & Lewin, V. (1990). The early development of empathy:
Self-regulation and individual differences in the first year.
Motivation and Emotion, 14(2), 93-106.
Zahn-Waxler, C., & Radke-Yarrow, M. (1990). The
origins of empathic concern. Motivation and Emotion, 14(2),
107-130.
Zahn-Waxler, C., Radke-Yarrow, M., Wagner, E., &
Chapman, M. (1992). Development of concern for others.
Developmental Psychology, 28(1), 126-136. |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
