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Sammy is 20 months old, and he just got a new outfit from his
grandmother. She helps him put it on, and then stands back to look
at him.
“Isn’t he cute in that outfit? Everybody look at Sammy in his new
outfit!”
 Sammy
smiles, but he’s clearly not comfortable with all the attention.
Nervously, he looks down and plays with a button on his shirt. He
looks around the room, glancing at people, and then looks away
again.
Sammy is embarrassed. A few months ago, Sammy might have happily
danced in front of a dozen adults, but now his reaction to the
attention is different. Embarrassment is a feeling that comes when
children are aware that they have become the object of attention
(Lewis, 2000). His father, seeing this embarrassment, takes Sammy
out of the spotlight and together they play with a toy.
For parents and caregivers, Sammy’s new reaction to his family’s
pride is a moment worth celebrating. Sammy’s embarrassment shows
that he has reached an important new stage in his emotional and
cognitive development: he’s become more self-aware. Research has
found that embarrassment occurs only after self-recognition
develops (Lewis, 2000).
Most babies love mirrors. If you hold a baby in front of a mirror,
she may smile, pat the glass, or even try to kiss her reflection.
But young children do not know who the person in the mirror is.
She may even think her own reflection is another baby. When are
children able to recognize themselves and how do scientists study
this? Let’s find out how mirrors make great scientific tools! You
can even try this at home!
That’s Me!
 In
one experiment, researchers asked a group of
mothers and their babies, ages 9 to 24 months, to
play in front of a mirror. First, the researchers
watched to see how each baby acted when placed in
front of a mirror. Next, each of the mothers
pretended to wipe dirt off her baby’s face—but
they were really putting a small dab of red makeup
on the tip of the baby’s nose. Then the babies
were placed in front of the mirror again, to see
what they would do. Would they notice the red spot
on their noses? Would they recognize that
something was different about their faces and try
to wipe off the red spot (Lewis & Brooks-Gunn,
1979)? |
Before they’re 15 months old, babies don’t seem to
recognize themselves in the mirror. These babies
stared at their reflections and may have found them
familiar, but they didn’t react any differently when
they saw the red spots on their noses. But by 21
months, most infants tried to touch or wipe their
nose. These babies knew that they were the baby in the
mirror! They had reached a new level or self-awareness
and recognized themselves (Lewis & Brooks-Gunn, 1979)!
Researchers also studied children’s self-awareness as
a way to learn about emotions such as embarrassment.
First, they used the makeup test to see which of the
children tried to touch or wipe the red spots on their
noses. Then they over-complimented the children to see
if they would get embarrassed. For example, the
children were told many times that they were smart,
cute, had beautiful hair and lovely clothes. Other
children were asked to dance in front of a group of
unfamiliar adults. The children who touched their red
noses in the mirror were the only ones who showed
embarrassment. Those who didn’t touch their noses did
not show signs of being embarrassed (Lewis, Sullivan,
Stranger & Weiss, 1989).
These experiments show that a certain level of
self-awareness is needed before children experience
emotions like embarrassment. Once children are aware
of themselves as individuals, they become more
sensitive to the ways people might see them. They also
become more aware of how people think differently, and
that other people might have feelings that are
different from their own. This awareness provides a
foundation for emotions like empathy and envy (Lewis,
2000), which is part of a child’s social and emotional
development.
As children near their second birthday, they show
another amazing stage of development. It’s called
self-recognition! Share in the new experiences your
child is discovering and the new feelings that are
emerging. This is a great time to help your child
learn how to handle emotions. By sharing these new
emotions, you’ll have new opportunities to grow closer
to your child.
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 Observe and celebrate these new emotions as they begin to emerge in your child.
- All emotions should be supported. Be caring and responsive to your child as he may not understand what he’s feeling.
- Don’t dismiss their emotions no matter how minor the situation. Honor every emotion by responding in a caring way.
- Be a good listener and get down to his level and let him know you care.
- Help your child by naming new emotions and teaching healthy ways to deal with them.
- Be patient and remember that every child is unique, and some children experience embarrassment more strongly than others.
- Some children might find embarrassing situations fun, while others will be very uncomfortable. If your child gets embarrassed easily and is uncomfortable, redirect him to another activity,
toy, or room.
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References:
Lewis, M. (2000). The emergence of human emotions.
In M. Lewis & J. M. Haviland-Jones (Eds.), Handbook of emotions
(2nd ed., pp. 265-280). New York: Guilford Press.
Lewis, M., & Brooks-Gunn, J. (1979). Social
cognition and the acquisition of self. New York: Plenum Press.
Lewis, M., Sullivan, M. W., Stanger, C., & Weiss,
M. (1989). Self-development and self-conscious emotions. Child
Development, 60(1), 146-156. |
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