| |
|
|
The age of two can be a very difficult time for parents and
caregivers. Children at this age are growing more independent and
sometimes they do things adults don’t want them to do. If it seems
like children are intentionally disobeying or disregarding their
caregivers’ wishes—it’s because they are! But they are not trying
to drive you crazy on purpose.
While two-year-olds’ behavior is difficult to deal with at times,
it is only part of the story. It may seem hard to believe, but
these children actually have good reasons for their actions. They
are learning what happens when people want different things and
they are fascinated by these differences. In other words, they are
learning about conflict and are using a powerful learning
mechanism: hypothesis testing. The age of two is really just a
part of children’s experimental program to figure out the world
and their need to understand other people. And primary caregivers
are the main test subjects (Gopnik, Meltzoff & Kuhl, 1999)!
By the age of two, children are trying to understand conflict. At
younger ages, children believe that their desires (what they want,
what they like) are the same as everyone else’s desires.
 When
everyone wants and likes the same things, there’s no real
conflict. But at around 18 months, children begin to understand an
important new concept—people have different desires (Gopnik et
al., 1999).
How do we know this? One creative experiment, using crackers and
broccoli, gives us solid evidence (Repacholi & Gopnik, 1997).
Researchers showed 14-month-old and 18-month-old children two
different bowls of food—one filled with Goldfish crackers and one
filled with raw broccoli. When given the choice between the two
foods, both the 14-month-old and 18-month-old children chose the
crackers.
Next, a researcher tasted the foods in front of the children. When
she ate the crackers, she made a disgusted face and said “Yuck.”
With the broccoli, she smiled and said “Yum.” Then, with both
bowls of food in front of her, she put out her hands and asked the
babies to give her some food. This was the experimental question:
would the babies give her some crackers or some broccoli?
The 14-month-old babies gave the researcher crackers, even though
she said “yuck” when she ate them before. They didn’t yet
understand how another person could want or prefer something
different from their own tastes and desires.
The 18-month-old babies gave the researcher broccoli, showing that
despite their own preference for crackers, they understood that
the adult preferred the vegetable. They understood that the adult
had different desires for food.
In other words, 18-month-old children are beginning to understand
that people are truly different, and that what they want is not
necessarily what adults want (Repacholi & Gopnik, 1997). And this
is a recipe for conflict. Children need to learn how conflict
works—and how to resolve it.
To learn about conflict, two-year-old toddlers launch a series of
experiments. This process is called hypothesis testing, and it is
a powerful way children (and scientists) learn about the world. It
starts with what children already know about people and their
desires. With this knowledge, children make predictions
(hypotheses) and test them to see if their ideas are correct.
Hypothesis testing involves five steps:
- Making observations
- Asking questions
- Creating hypotheses (what they think will happen based on what they know)
- Testing hypotheses
- Evaluating the evidence
For example, let’s take a two-year-old who has just noticed a
new house plant. She’s touching the leaves and patting the dirt.
She wants to dig in the dirt, like in the garden, but she thinks
her mother might not like it if she does. She’s trying to learn
how her mother might react.
Hypothesis testing involves five steps:
-
 “I like this dirt and it would be fun to dig my hands in it. I know my
mom doesn’t want me to get dirt all over the floor or hurt the plant.”
(Observation)
- “What will happen if I do what I want and make a big mess with the dirt?”
(Question)
- “When I spilled my oatmeal all over the floor, mom got angry. I think she
might get angry again.” (Hypothesis)
- “Here I go even though mom has a bad look on her face!” (Testing)
- “Oh, oh, Mom is getting angry—yes, this is what it’s like when she’s angry.”
(Evaluating the evidence)
|
Of course, these steps seem very rationale and they don’t describe
how quickly things happen, nor does it include the tears and
frustration hat normally accompany situations like this. Despite
the intensity of these emotions, children learn more about how
conflict works and how it gets resolved by doing these kinds of
tests. Your job is to keep them safe, be consistent in your
response, and help them to learn what’s right and what’s wrong.
They will learn as much from your response as they do from their
little experiment.
|
|
|
 |
-
 Understand that young children are constantly testing their environment. These children aren’t bad, they’re curious. Expect them to test you often.
- Provide consistent responses. When children test their hypotheses, they are gathering evidence about how people deal with conflict. The best evidence is communicated in a reliable, consistent and loving way.
- Don’t let hypothesis testing escalate your emotions. Keep emotions in check and remove a child (or tempting object) from a situation if the conflict continues.
- Focus on the positive aspects of this age. These toddlers are not only learning how conflict happens, but how conflict gets resolved. If they are surrounded with healthy, consistent models, children can learn how to handle future disagreements in constructive and effective ways.
- Hang in there! The age of two, and the difficult challenges it can bring, doesn’t last forever.
|
back to top |
|
References:
Gopnik, A., Meltzoff, A. N., & Kuhl, P. K. (1999).
The scientist in the crib: Minds, brains, and how children
learn. New York: William Morrow.
Repacholi, B. M., & Gopnik, A. (1997). Early reasoning about
desires: Evidence from 14- and 18-month-olds. Developmental
Psychology, 33(1), 12-21. |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
